Working World

I work with a guy who is very moody. Sometimes he can be warm, even caring and personal as he was when my mother died. More often he is friendly but businesslike, even though we’ve worked together for more than five years. I also see his wife at yoga twice a week. She’s always interested in the office because she used to work here. She and I have developed a friendship of transmitting information about the office. Lately he’s been not only insular but downright rude to people as well as to me. His face is broken out in a weird rash and his eyes are pretty bloodshot. I know something’s wrong but I’m not sure if I should ask or keep my mouth shut.

Your relationship with the wife is only a friendship of mutual convenience. Always be cautious about what and how you speak because no matter what you say about the confidentiality of the exchange, you can never be sure what she‘ll say to him. Start by talking to him. Choose a day when there aren’t a lot of deadlines and you can tell he’s in a decent mood. Lead with, “I’m worried about you. We’ve worked together for a long time. We’ve seen each other through tough times. It seems like something’s going on. Are you okay?”

What’s important is to give him the chance either to open up or retreat. Because you show you care, he may choose sharing. If he doesn’t, you can still approach the wife. If and when you do, be clear that you aren’t being merely nosy, but that you’re genuinely concerned about his health. Be sincere, but also do this with a light touch, not some dire sense of impending doom. If it’s not a big deal, you don’t want to look foolish, and if, God forbid, it’s something serious, you don’t want to appear ghoulish.

1 COMMENTS

• Maddog

  Gosh, if all my coworkers faces broke out in a weird rash just because they were rude to people, this would be the OXY face cream capital

  Jan 07, 2009