Working World

My boss is undergoing a personality transplant because of the stress in his life: his wife left him, his daughter is moving to Europe, and his business partner plans to retire next year. I feel sorry for him but I also don't want to be his verbal punching bag. I've been his assistant for years. We have many systems that evolved to suit his particular (and sometimes peculiar) work style. But now, no matter what I do, he criticizes me. He's rude, cranky and impossible to please. If I do A, like we've always done, he wants Z. The next time, when I do Z, he asks why I didn’t do A. I like what I do and what I get paid, just not how I'm being treated.

I'm generally against anyone becoming a "Stepford" employee. But to endure, "being right" will need to take a backseat to security. Ultimately, if you're not prepared to look at the world from your boss's point of view, this isn't the job for you any more. That said, he's probably more dependent on you than he'd care to admit. You’re probably a safe place for him to act out his anxieties about the current state of his life. That in no way excuses his behavior, but it does help explain it.

You need to have a conversation with him that acknowledges the problem and then resolves it. You need to save face and reestablish equilibrium. Start by acknowledging the recent friction ("We've both been really stressed lately…."). Then ask, "What can I do to make your life easier?" Along the way, open up about something going on in your life. This creates mutual empathy. Finally, get specific about simple things like asking if he wants A or Z.

It'll take time to find home base again. But once he remembers how much he needs and values you, life will improve. Or you may decide to move on.