Working World

I said something truthful, but inadvertently cruel, to one of my colleagues. She’s not someone I like very much or even have to work with often, but I feel bad that my being under deadline and impatient caused to me speak in a way that I would be sorry if anyone did to me, was overheard by anyone who supervises me, or made my coworker feel uncomfortable. If I go apologize, I’ll be giving her a bad story to use against me in a corporate culture that thrives on exactly this kind of personal negativity. Should I say something to her or just let it go?

This is more than just not wanting to be caught being rude. You have a genuine chance to step up and do the right thing in a context where you’ll make yourself vulnerable. Though that’s not something we often seek out in life, it is a great opportunity to test your values, especially at a time of year when you’ve probably paid a lot of lip service to living on a higher plane.

Consider a simple and sincere apology. Do it in person, so there’s no email to be forwarded. Just stop by her office or cubicle and say, “I realized I may have been insensitive the other day. I don’t like how it has played back in my head. Please accept my apology.” Then shut up and wait. If she’s smart she’ll accept your apology and not say much more. Though don’t be surprised if she asks you for an office favor some time, just to test your sincerity. Do what you can, but be honest if you can’t stretch quite as far as she asks.